So, I can't watch The O.C. sometimes.  It's too sad.  It makes me cry, which makes me think, and that's just bad.

I just . . . how am I supposed to have a future if I can't live with my past?

Sometimes I have some down time, and I end up thinking, and it all runs through my head.  I just . . . I can't handle it.  Why the hell do I have to have such a screwed up past?

That's part of why the future scares me so much.  I don't know that I can deal with my future until I can deal with my past.  And I don't know that I can deal with my past.